Mr Revhead[RL] Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 hehe i reckon i can hold my own against you aussie!! heres the first.... This is an actual radio conversation of an Australian Naval ship with New Zealand authorities off the west coast of the South Island near Milford Sound in October 1975. Kiwis: Please divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Aussies: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees north to avoid a collision. Kiwis: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Aussies: This is the captain of an Australian Naval Warship. I say again, divert your course. Kiwis: NO I say again, you divert your course. Aussies: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMAS MELBOURNE, THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE AUSTRALIAN NAVY. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE FRIGATES AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE TAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP ! Kiwis: THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE YOU AUSSIE F#CK~with ! YOUR CALL ! _________________ :D :dance: :D Quote
kangaroosa Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 Yeah i remember that add. Its was a US naval ship and a lighthouse. Well heres one for you in retaliation. :D An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke? The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 1.90 m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks." "The guy next to me is 1.85 m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock." "Next to him is a bloke who's 2 m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower. Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?" The first bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times." Quote
Ruts Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 or another A pom, an Aussie and a Kiwi were walking down a dusty road when they spy a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The pom looks over and says, "Cor I wish that were Liz Hurley" The aussie looks over and says, "Shit, wish that was Megan Gale" The look to the kiwi, who looks back a little shly and says, "I wish it was dark hey?" Quote
irokin Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 and its an aircraft carrier.... specifcally the USS Lincoln....and I think the whole storys bullshit.... Quote
Super Jamie Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 and the three times joke is a blonde joke. when you can come up with an original non-recycled joke against aussies that is genuinely funny, come back to us kiwis don't even have aussie jokes, you have maoris as your traditional object of racial ridicule, like we have coons. you guys just happen to be there for easy pickings too :D Quote
Ruts Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 In the kiwis defence I did hear one original aussie targeted joke ..... Q: Why is aussie wool so much darker than kiwi wool ? A: Aussies haven't learnt how to shag standing up! Quote
kangaroosa Posted March 22, 2005 Report Posted March 22, 2005 and its an aircraft carrier.... specifcally the USS Lincoln....and I think the whole storys bullshit.... http://www.donaldsensing.com/2003/07/what-...failure-to.html This is where the joke originated from. Quote
Mr Revhead[RL] Posted March 22, 2005 Author Report Posted March 22, 2005 (edited) haha yeah its a bs one... for one thing no us warships have been here since the early 80s.... and the lincoln was commisioned n the 90s... so what do u call and aussie with a sheep under one arm and a pig under the other? bisexual! :D yes we have moreis.... you want some? know why theres not many aussie jokes? cause it takes to long to explain them to the aussies..... :D heres one more thing... remember hanson? the kiddie group? they still tour oz.... i rest my case! :dance: Edited March 22, 2005 by Mr Revhead Quote
Mr Revhead[RL] Posted March 23, 2005 Author Report Posted March 23, 2005 and your PROUD of that?!? :D Quote
kangaroosa Posted March 23, 2005 Report Posted March 23, 2005 Q Why do NZ farmers like to make love to sheep on the top of a cliff? A Because if you were faced with certain death, wouldn't you want to push back? Q How did the NZ farmer find his sheep in the long grass? A Very satisfying Q Why do NZ racehorses run so fast? A Because they have seen what gets done to the sheep Q What is the biggest lie in New Zealand? A I was just helping the sheep over the fence Q What is the smallest organ in a sheep? A A NZ farmers penis Quote
Mr Revhead[RL] Posted March 23, 2005 Author Report Posted March 23, 2005 *yawn* goats are more fun ill leave the sheep to you aussies...... Quote
Ruts Posted March 23, 2005 Report Posted March 23, 2005 We have Pauline Hanson too... and apparently she is still alive in Australia :D :D Please Explain Quote
kangaroosa Posted March 23, 2005 Report Posted March 23, 2005 OK - So we have heard all the sheep jokes at least twice over. So here are a few that insult Kiwi's. Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Kiwi's what does that make Cheeta? A: Smarter than the pair of them. An Aussie, a Kiwi, and a South African are at a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, takes off his diamond encrusted watch, pulls out a gun shoots the watch to pieces. He says "In Seth Efrika we have so many diamonds that we don't need to wear the same diamond twice". The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer throw his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glass that we don't need to drink out of the same cup twice". The Australian then pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi. -------------------- An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin' at it with a sheep. The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer. He taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know mate, back home, we shear those!" The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody SHEARING this with no one!" Quote
kangaroosa Posted March 23, 2005 Report Posted March 23, 2005 There are 3 Kiwis in a bar, the 1st one walks up to an Aussie and says, "John Eales is gay." The Aussie says, "yeah thats nice." The 2nd one walks up to him and says, "John Eales roots sheep." The Aussie replies, "yeah thats nice." At last the 3rd one walks up to him and says, "John Eales is a kiwi." The Aussie turns around and says, "yeah I think that's what your friends were trying to tell me." ----------------- Q. What do you call 15 guys sitting around the T.V watching the Rugby World Cup final? A. The All Blacks -------------------------- There's a Kiwi rugby fan, an Australian rugby fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train enters a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The woman and the Kiwi are sitting there looking perplexed. The Kiwi is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap. The Kiwi is thinking, "That Australian must have tried to kiss this lady, she thought it was me and slapped me." The lady was thinking, "That Kiwi must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Australian instead and got slapped." The Australian was thinking to himself.... "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that f@$king Kiwi in the head again." Quote
Mr Revhead[RL] Posted March 23, 2005 Author Report Posted March 23, 2005 who the f@$k is john eales??? and rugby players are.... well... not very smart.... can some one please explain to me the aussie fascination with sheep? more specificlly people screwing sheep? you always seem to be talking about it... filthy aussies! :D Quote
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