Redwarf Posted October 18, 2004 Report Posted October 18, 2004 MEDIA RELEASE CRAZY PETE RALLY TEAM MOURNS THE DEMISE OF "THE BEAST' Date: 17 October 2004 The NSW rally community was shocked to learn that Haggers' infamously reliable steed, affectionately known as "The Beast", made its last heart wrenching tail slide at Port Macquarie on Saturday, 16 October 2004 17.40 AEST. At the after party at Rally HQ, as a mark of respect, registered members of the Gemini Series respectfully stopped drinking their beers at 11.45 pm, although it was later claimed that this was only because the bar closed at that time. The Beast was no ordinary Gemini - it had pedigree. It was born in rally trim in 1996 and was steered to a Gemini Series victory in the hands of Ian (Mad Dog) Menzies who now runs a V8 Ford in ARC and QRC.. It had an eventful life but was never actually put on its lid either by Mad Dog or Haggers. In Haggers' hands the Beast had a near death experience at Bateman's Bay in 2000. The details are too sordid to divulge on this e-group (suffice it to say that the UN got involved because Haggers was alleged to have said that he wanted to do terrible things to small furry animals, or the person who did the tulip, whichever is more convenient), but the car lived thanks to the kiss of life from the Pope of Panel Beating, Peter Grindrod. The Pope breathed life into the Beast and there was a Second Coming. The Crazy Pete Rally Team has an altar to the Pope and there is regular prostration (mostly alcohol induced) before the Pope. (There is a corny Catholic line about kissing the Pope's ring, but I would never stoop to those depths when something so serious is at issue). So what happened? Haggers started the event with a new front end and it worked well in Stages 1 & 2. About 15 km into Stage 3 there is a Spectator Point (2) which is a downhill hairpin left. Byron Langslow, Haggers' criminally insane co-driver made the calls perfectly: "Haggers set the car up for the hairpin left and it was fine and then he seemed to be on the gas big time. My heart rate monitor went to 200." said Byron. Kevin Maxwell, of Kew, who has the biggest tilt tray in the southern hemisphere and who was at the speccy point commented as follows: "I thought, hello, he's on the gas pretty hard and there was a lot of noise further down the road but we lost sight of him" said Kevin, whose tilt tray proved invaluable later on. Neil Backbourn was poised a few kms down the road to catch Haggers "in flagrante" stage and could hear the engine revving its head off. As spectators later confirmed, the throttle was well and truly stuck and this led to the following train of events: 1. car goes into slop 2. Haggers tries to steer out of it 3. Road drops away 4. Car hits tree Haggers' side 5. Car hits boulders 6. Car experiences Newtonian Theory of Gravity 7. Car misses really BIG tree but hits moderately big tree 8. Car experiences economic equilibrium with gravity 9. Byron, who has been wired up with heart rate monitor and altimeter, noted that we had descended about 7-8 metres from the road and his heart rate hit about 200 (official statistics to be provided when Byron downloads the details). 10. Byron tells Haggers to kill the insane engine which had a mind of its own. 11. Haggers kills engine. 12. Byron inquires whether Haggers is OK:" I'm OK but how the f*** are we going to get out of here. There are open cut mines that aren't as deep as this. I guess this means we will be late for the after party. I must has p*ssed off the President of Bastards Incorporated again " said Haggers One of the really annoying things about rallying is mosquitoes. There are big ones at Port which will have a bit of a chew through a driving suit, so remember to pack the Aerogard. The visit to Port Macquarie Hospital cut into serious drinking time but the Crazy Pete Rally Team , aided and abetted by various Gemini Series reptiles (you know who you are), managed to bat on until 2 pm or so with the red wine. After a languorous breakfast of bacon and eggs and really good coffee, the tea, met Kevin Maxwell at Kew to retrieve the Beast. Now Kev has a 20,000kg winch capacity but even so his truck was moving about as it tried to pull the Beast loose and up onto the road, He did it though in record time and we were able to roll the Beast onto a trailer. There will be a combined Requiem/Exorcism for the Beast this coming weekend. Haggers will be reading a eulogy and burning the CAMS logbook while drinking appropriate levels of control fuel in accordance with the Regs. Invitations, wreaking with official "gravitas", will be emailed to a select group whose souls can resonate with Crown Lagers and the Beast as it starts another journey. ---ends ---- Written on the p*ss Quote
demuire Posted October 18, 2004 Report Posted October 18, 2004 Heh... well written... in a style we've all become accustomed to, what with our resident Rally God, Mr :) :) Quote
99 Posted October 18, 2004 Report Posted October 18, 2004 Was not written by Redwarf!! It was written by a guy in NSW who is an absolute CLASSIC, laughed my head off!! ROFL Quote
Redwarf Posted October 18, 2004 Author Report Posted October 18, 2004 Wooo sorry, I could never be THAT literate. A classic tale of a weekends woes. Mel: A touch of Bean in that you think?? Quote
99 Posted October 18, 2004 Report Posted October 18, 2004 Yes, I think this is where Bean gets it from. Haggers is a legend of epic proportions. You HAVE to meet him - especially after a few of those aforementioned red wines. Quote
demuire Posted October 18, 2004 Report Posted October 18, 2004 Was not written by Redwarf!! Yes I realise that - but I've also noticed that most rally people seem to speak in that style :) Quote
Teddy Posted October 18, 2004 Report Posted October 18, 2004 (edited) Rally people's are cool ! Rob & Mel are in that cadagory ! Great story lol !! Edited October 18, 2004 by Teddy Quote
99 Posted October 20, 2004 Report Posted October 20, 2004 Photos to accompany the press release.... Quote
demuire Posted October 20, 2004 Report Posted October 20, 2004 Wow, that's a Loooooooong way down! I'm surprised how (relatively) little damage the car sustained, go the cage huh? Quote
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