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Posted
See if you can spot the difference between these two statements:

(a) "Those trousers make your backside look fat."

(b) "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the, 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women,' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you."

Maybe the acoustics were really bad in the dining room, or something.

 

Bwahahahahaha

Posted
Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!' The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'

 

Been there... and now i'm so damn use to narrating the, what ever, i can't shut up now a days.....

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Yeah, Kristy doesn't like it when I wear hers either......

My ex was SO like this;

"If you saw me and my two sisters leaning against a wall and you didn't know us; which would you most be attracted to?'[

well; I pride myself on my undying honesty, so I looked her in the eye and said......

'Your sister..."

"OH! YOU WANT TO f@$k HER THEN!!!"

for the rest of our 3 years together.............

good times........good times.

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